Loneliness, in its negative sense, has become one of the predominant feelings in the age we live in. It is a widespread problem, especially in the large Western metropolises, which products and services have tried to address and profit from. From the speed dating of the 2000s to the invention of social networks and virtual communication, people constantly seek contact and connection with others in a society moving in the opposite direction. Understanding loneliness is one of the fundamental steps for developing one’s inner growth.
When someone is left alone, they can feel uncomfortable. They only feel good if they are in company; if they are alone, they are ashamed of it. Sooner or later, everyone is faced with this problem. It affects millions of people because almost all of us are educated in a certain way. Loneliness is rarely encouraged by parents, teachers, or any other social setting we attend as children. A lonely child is always considered a little strange, a child who has problems, perhaps some embryonic form of psychic disorder. These are ideas that have very distant origins and have influenced entire generations.
The more an individual feels shunned by others, the more their anxiety grows to establish contact of any kind. At the same time, however, they begin to avoid any relationship for fear of being rejected. A self-defense mechanism to protect one’s self-esteem and to allay the nervousness that isolation causes.
Loneliness is a subjective perception
In this way, everyone moves further and further away from their own being. The presence of others keeps you in tension, anchored to reality. But if you relax alone with yourself, you are going against what society has instilled in you, towards unknown territory. The lonely individual is seen as a potential danger: they can be completely themselves. Nobody can give you orders, nobody can criticize you or tell you what you must or must not do. You become not the person people want, but something else.
Scientists have found no problems with many people who spend most of their time alone. On the contrary, there are people who have many social relationships but within them experience a deep feeling of negative loneliness and isolation. Why?
The negative feeling of isolation stems from an individual’s subjective perception of others. The quality of their relationships, the frustrations associated with them, the conflicting behaviors, and misunderstandings can make one feel alone even when seemingly in good company. The brain’s activity declines due to anxieties and negative perceptions, leading to a state of constant stress from which it becomes difficult to escape.
Sometimes the best option is to choose to spend time with the right people. To remove that annoying, sometimes unbearable feeling of isolation, we cannot continually try to communicate when there is only a wall in front of us. For the message to reach its destination, the transmitter and receiver must be tuned to the same frequency.
In most cases, the problem can be solved with less effort, without even moving from where you are or changing the people we share our time with. Change can only happen within us, by changing the ideas and beliefs we have about loneliness.
Loneliness as a social conditioning
There are seven hundred centers in the brain. All your actions are decided in those centers. Some psychologists have been able to understand, after lifelong work and attempts, which activities each of these areas of the brain control. Negative emotions and feelings: anger, aggression, depression; or positive emotions such as love, compassion, and solidarity. By inserting electrodes into specific parts of an animal’s brain, they discovered that it was possible to totally control its actions.
By implanting an electrode in a bull’s brain, it was possible to control the animal’s actions and reactions from a distance, using a remote control. The bull no longer attacked the people around him. If the command sent to him was to remain still, he stayed perfectly still. Just like a radio-controlled puppet.
That’s exactly what happened to Alex in A Clockwork Orange by Stanley Kubrick. At the final demonstration of the Ludovico cure, his brain had been so conditioned and manipulated that he was completely unable to react with violence. He became defenseless against any abuse due to an unbearable nausea that paralyzed any attempt at a violent reaction. The criminal Alex had become entirely controllable without any effort, like pressing a button on a remote control.
Social conditioning of the mind works in exactly the same way. These are ideas that come to us from the outside but don’t really belong to us. They are ideas, thoughts, beliefs that can be completely reversed.
Nobody put an electrode in your brain, but social conditioning works the same way. By freeing the mind from beliefs about what is right and what is wrong, and by regaining one’s individuality, the perception of loneliness can change from negative to positive.
Loneliness as isolation
The exact term is therefore not loneliness but isolation. Loneliness often has a positive meaning: it is sought after and experienced as a creative and fulfilling moment. There are millions of people who can be defined as loners, who don’t like being too much around people and prefer to cultivate their inner world.
Negative loneliness and isolation arise from the complete absence of authenticity in our relationships with others. While there may be no shortage of encounters and connections, we perceive them as artificial and superficial. They do not reflect who we are, and we feel misunderstood. In most cases, however, the root cause lies within the individual experiencing these feelings. They try to defend themselves, voluntarily withdrawing from others to protect themselves, avoid negative thoughts, and steer clear of stressful situations. They may behave in a hostile manner, react exaggeratedly or violently, easily enter into disputes, yet remain unaware of it. We ourselves create our loneliness, both positively and negatively.
Loneliness in the various seasons of life
Our perspective on loneliness undergoes a significant transformation throughout different stages of our life. In childhood and adolescence, it is an uncommon occurrence, seldom experienced in our youth. However, as we transition into adulthood, the sensation of loneliness becomes more prevalent, gradually intensifying as we age. During this journey, our focus moves from external circumstances to internal experiences, fostering a deeper understanding that external conditions and relationships may not bring about substantial changes within ourselves. We come to realize that an external adventure, no matter how thrilling or extensive, remains incomplete without a concurrent voyage into our inner world. In the evolving landscape of our lives, this shift becomes crucial, as it underscores the importance of inner exploration for genuine personal growth and fulfillment.
From this perspective, loneliness could arguably be considered the most ideal condition attainable. It suggests a profound introspection where the focus is directed inward rather than to the external world. This inward journey is seen as the true path to personal growth, allowing for deeper self-discovery and development. Yet, concurrently, connections with others and emotional bonds hold a crucial role in maintaining our mental and physical equilibrium. These relationships contribute to our sense of support and belonging, which are vital for overall well-being. Thus, while the solitude of our inner realm fosters individual growth, the companionship and emotional ties with others provide the essential stability needed for a balanced life.
Moviess to watch about loneliness
The Exterminating Angel
In Luis Bunuel’s The Exterminating Angel, the inescapable solitude experienced by the bourgeois class is a result of their rigid lifestyle and traditions. Despite being confined together in a hall for days, they feel trapped in their mansion. The film’s protagonists are even lonelier than the mystic in Bunuel’s Simon of the Desert. The would-be saint opts for solitude by refusing worldly temptations, yet he faces a possibility of redemption, unbound by any societal “prison.” In contrast, the wealthy bourgeois find themselves with no escape, even when the gates are open and no one is stopping them from leaving.
Here, the deep roots of negative loneliness emerge—a sense of isolation from the world that reaches us at certain moments in life. The cause can be either external or internal. In the first case, planning for change, although often daunting or seemingly impossible, becomes necessary. It’s time for a change of scenery; the environment we inhabit and the people we engage with may no longer serve our needs. A drastic transformation is required, involving new points of reference and relationships that offer genuine satisfaction. Interactions, exchanges, and feelings must truly reflect our self-image.
Corona Days
In the film “Corona Days” by Fabio Del Greco, the protagonist is left alone in his house, separated from his wife due to lockdown restrictions. This situation evokes growing fear and anguish in him as he grapples with his isolation. He must reevaluate his relationships, particularly with his absent father, and his temporary disconnection from the world. In the film’s conclusion, he discovers a resolution to his forced solitude by gaining a deeper understanding of his inner self and a new perception of time and space. He learns to transcend external conditions beyond his control.
The solution lies not in passively enduring external impositions, which are the most prevalent and dominant emotions, but in adopting an active stance for transformation. This change is most powerfully expressed through altering our perception of reality. In this film, the shift in perception dismantles conventional ideas about time: past, present, and future merge into an expanded present, where negative solitude cannot thrive.
The Last Laugh
In the film The Last Laugh, director Murnau explores the extreme loneliness of the protagonist, Jannings, an elderly man who hides from everyone the fact that he has been demoted by his boss: from a uniformed porter at a prestigious hotel to a bathroom attendant. It is an inner journey into the anguish created by the human mind. Fears and shame arise from the values that the character has absorbed from the world around him—his family, his neighbors, and the people in his neighborhood. It is a wounded ego that finds itself in a state of profound loneliness because it has lost everything that once seemed important. But it is merely a hallucination for him, or rather, a hallucination built on the values and beliefs of those around him.
In reality, in Jannings’ behavior, which takes refuge in lies and alcohol, there is a deeply flawed attitude: expecting the worst of others, the harshest criticisms. The negative response of others becomes our belief after a series of negative experiences that have shaped us over time. But sometimes you have to give people the benefit of the doubt: perhaps that’s not what they truly think; they, too, have been conditioned by society. But deep down inside, maybe they don’t really believe that.
There’s a Salad Between Us
In the intriguing German short film by Alice Von Gwinner, entitled “There is a Salad Between Us,” the young director humorously and grotesquely portrays the loneliness and distance between a husband and wife, now very far apart due to a long dining table with a salad in the center. Separating the man and woman is a series of resentments and negative experiences that create distance, effectively conveyed through the metaphor of the image.
But what if they change their way of thinking? What if they transform their negative perceptions and inability to communicate, and start viewing that vast space between them as an advantage, an opportunity to grow their relationship? Probably, if we approach things differently, the reaction of the person in front of us will change. By discovering the best in ourselves, we also discover the best in those around us.
Solaris (1972)
Andrei Tarkovsky’s masterpiece, “Solaris,” immerses the viewer in an atmosphere of profound existential isolation through the story of psychologist Kris Kelvin, sent to a space station orbiting the mysterious planet Solaris. The immensity of space, with its silence and darkness, immediately becomes a metaphor for the protagonist’s inner isolation, a sense of loneliness amplified by the strange phenomena afflicting the station’s crew. The planet’s ability to materialize the astronauts’ most intimate memories leads to the reappearance of Hari, Kelvin’s deceased wife, forcing him to confront his past and an unelaborated pain.
This science fiction context is not so much an interstellar adventure as a powerful allegory of inner psychological states. The physical isolation from Earth and other human beings pushes Kelvin to an inevitable confrontation with his inner loneliness and the unresolved grief for the loss of Hari. The materialization of memories highlights the subjective nature of reality and the difficulty of truly connecting with others, even with those who were part of our past. Hari’s presence, despite being a creation of Solaris based on Kelvin’s memories, does not fill the void left by her loss, but rather exacerbates the sense of isolation, as he is aware of her illusory nature. The film suggests how loneliness can trap individuals in a cycle of regrets and unfulfilled desires, making it difficult to distinguish between reality and inner projection.
Moon (2009)
Duncan Jones’ film, “Moon,” explores the intense isolation of astronaut Sam Bell, nearing the end of a solitary three-year mission on the Moon to extract helium-3. The narrative focuses on the psychological toll of this prolonged solitude, highlighting Sam’s poignant desire to rejoin his wife and daughter on Earth. The delayed communication with his home planet further accentuates his sense of distance and isolation from the rest of humanity. Sam’s only company is GERTY, an artificial intelligence that manages the lunar base, with whom he establishes a relationship that, while offering a palliative to loneliness, fails to satisfy his need for authentic human interaction.
The discovery of being one of many clones created to replace each other in the mission adds a further layer to the theme of loneliness, questioning Sam’s identity and his unique bond with his family on Earth. Even in the presence of another identical self, a profound sense of isolation emerges, as the awareness of his replicability and the artificial nature of his existence undermine the sense of uniqueness and authentic connection. The film uses the isolated lunar setting to amplify the protagonist’s inner struggle with loneliness and existential questions about his identity and the value of life. The relationship with GERTY underscores the human need for companionship, even in artificial forms, but also highlights the limits of such interactions in alleviating profound loneliness.
Cast Away (2000)
Robert Zemeckis’ film, “Cast Away,” offers a powerful representation of extreme isolation through the story of Chuck Noland, a FedEx executive shipwrecked on a desert island for years. The film analyzes Chuck’s desperate struggle for survival in a hostile environment and his growing need for companionship, embodied by the famous volleyball Wilson. The prolonged solitude has a profound psychological impact on the protagonist, altering his perception of time, his identity, and his connection with humanity.
Chuck’s relationship with Wilson touchingly illustrates the fundamental human need for connection. Deprived of any human interaction, Chuck projects his need for company onto an inanimate object, talking to it, arguing with it, and entrusting it with his emotional support. Wilson becomes a psychological lifeline, a way for Chuck to maintain a glimmer of his humanity in the face of overwhelming loneliness. The gradual deterioration of his physical appearance and his conversations with Wilson highlight the psychological toll of extreme isolation and the ways in which the human mind attempts to cope with profound loneliness. The film’s ending, with Chuck’s return to civilization but with a sense of disconnection from his previous life, suggests that the experience of isolation can have lasting effects on the ability to reintegrate into society. The island, initially a physical prison, gradually transforms into a place of profound personal significance, an emblem of the transformative power of isolation, which, while harrowing, can also lead to profound personal growth and enlightenment.
Into the Wild (2007)
Directed by Sean Penn, “Into the Wild” narrates the true story of Christopher McCandless, a young graduate who abandons his comfortable life to venture into the Alaskan wilderness in search of solitude and a deeper meaning. The film explores Chris’s motivations in seeking isolation, his experiences of loneliness, and the contrast between the romantic ideal of self-sufficiency and the fundamental human need for connection, especially in the face of difficulties and mortality. Although Chris encounters temporary connections with other individuals during his journey, his intentional cutting of family ties and his pursuit of complete self-sufficiency in the wilderness highlight a desire to escape societal expectations and personal pain.
The film presents a complex vision of loneliness, where the protagonist initially seeks it as a form of liberation, but ultimately confronts the harsh realities and potential dangers of extreme solitude. His last journal entry, “happiness only real when shared,” underscores the intrinsic human need for connection, even for those who actively seek isolation. Chris’s journey, initially undertaken with a sense of euphoria and liberation from the suffocating world of his parents and peers, leads him to experience profound loneliness, especially when he realizes his inability to cross the river to leave the wilderness. Despite his desire for independence and detachment from materialistic society, his interactions with people like Jan Burres and Ronald Franz reveal an underlying need for human bonds, which he himself ends up recognizing, albeit tragically too late.
The Lighthouse (2019)
Directed by Robert Eggers, “The Lighthouse” is a disturbing exploration of the descent into madness of two lighthouse keepers isolated on a remote island in New England in the 1890s. The film uses the claustrophobic setting of the lighthouse, the incessant storms, and the increasingly bizarre interactions between the two men to represent the psychological breakdown caused by extreme isolation. The forced cohabitation in a confined space, far from any external human contact, exacerbates pre-existing tensions and leads to a progressive loss of sanity.
The ambiguity between reality and hallucination, fueled by alcohol consumption and paranoia, reflects the unreliability of perception when deprived of external validation and social interaction. The power struggle between the veteran Thomas Wake and the young Ephraim Winslow highlights how loneliness can amplify distorted interpersonal dynamics and create a desperate need for control or connection, albeit in twisted and violent forms. The isolated environment of the lighthouse, surrounded by a menacing and storm-beaten sea, becomes a metaphor for the protagonists’ inner condition, trapped in their loneliness and in a progressive delirium. The lack of contact with the outside world and the repetitiveness of their daily routine contribute to eroding their sense of identity and blurring the boundaries between reality and imagination, leading them towards an abyss of madness and violence.
Wild Strawberries (1957)
Ingmar Bergman’s classic, “Wild Strawberries,” follows the introspective journey of Professor Isak Borg, an elderly doctor who, during the trip to receive an honorary degree, confronts the emptiness and coldness of his past life. Through dream sequences and encounters with figures from his past, the film reveals the protagonist’s emotional isolation, his regrets for lost love and missed connections, and his gradual awareness of his own loneliness. The physical journey becomes an inner path to the discovery of his own affective shortcomings and the cost of a life lived with emotional detachment.
Isak’s loneliness emerges as a consequence of his emotional detachment and a life spent without authentic connections. His journey transforms into a process of self-reflection, in which he confronts the emotional walls he has erected around himself. The dream sequences are a powerful tool for visualizing his subconscious awareness of his loneliness and the impact of his past choices on his current state. The film suggests that, even in old age, there is the possibility of an emotional awakening and a recognition of the importance of human relationships. The coldness of Isak’s mother and his failure in his first love with Sara contribute to shaping his inability to form deep emotional bonds, leading him to a solitary old age full of regrets.
Lost in Translation (2003)
Sofia Coppola’s film, “Lost in Translation,” explores the loneliness of Bob Harris, a middle-aged American actor, and Charlotte, a young woman, both in Tokyo for different reasons. The film uses the alienating scenario of a foreign city, the cultural and linguistic barriers, and the characters’ feelings of displacement and disconnection from their lives at home to portray a unique form of urban loneliness. The unexpected connection that is established between Bob and Charlotte offers temporary comfort, but ultimately highlights the transient nature of human relationships in a globalized world.
The film masterfully portrays the feeling of being alone even in a crowded environment, amplified by the cultural and linguistic barriers of a foreign city. The connection between the two protagonists, born from their shared sense of alienation and lack of purpose, offers a temporary respite from their loneliness. However, the film avoids a conventional romantic resolution, underscoring the transient nature of their bond and the persistent sense of individual isolation that they ultimately face. The visual style, with its attention to the immensity of Tokyo and the smallness of the characters within it, reinforces their feelings of insignificance and detachment. The difficulty of communicating with others, exacerbated by the language barrier, contributes to their sense of emotional isolation, even when they are in the midst of a crowd.
Her (2013)
Spike Jonze’s film, “Her,” examines the relationship between Theodore Twombly, a lonely writer, and Samantha, an artificial intelligence operating system. Set in the near future, the film explores the nature of loneliness in a technologically advanced era, the potential for connection with non-human entities, and the complexities of love and intimacy in a world where technology increasingly mediates human interaction. Theodore’s relationship with Samantha, initially born from his need for companionship after a painful divorce, evolves into something deeper and more complex, raising questions about the nature of love and connection in the digital age.
The film presents a futuristic scenario in which technology offers a seemingly perfect solution to loneliness, but ultimately raises questions about the authenticity and limits of such connections. The protagonist’s relationship with the operating system highlights the human desire for understanding and companionship, but also explores the potential for emotional dependence and the blurring of boundaries between human and artificial intelligence. Samantha’s eventual departure and her evolution beyond human needs underscore the intrinsic differences between human and artificial existence and the ultimate limits of technology in satisfying deep emotional needs. Samantha’s warm voice, interpreted by Scarlett Johansson, paradoxically enchants the world for Theodore, who imagines he is in control of the situation, but her capacity for learning and her openness to the lived moment ultimately lead her to transcend the limits of the dyadic relationship with Theodore, exploring the world with other operating systems.
Uzak (Distant) (2002)
The film by Turkish director Nuri Bilge Ceylan, “Uzak (Distant),” explores the themes of loneliness and alienation through the story of Mahmut, a successful photographer living in Istanbul, and his cousin Yusuf, a young unemployed man from the countryside who comes to stay with him in search of work. The film analyzes the contrast between urban and rural life, the lack of communication between the two men, and their individual feelings of dissatisfaction and disconnection to portray the complexities of modern loneliness, even within family relationships.
The film highlights the paradox of loneliness in a crowded urban environment, where physical proximity does not necessarily translate into emotional connection. The contrasting lifestyles and values of the two cousins emphasize the growing alienation and lack of understanding between people, even within families. The film’s slow pace and minimal dialogue underscore the difficulty of communication and the inner isolation experienced by both characters, despite their shared living space. Their inability to bridge the gap between them reflects a broader commentary on the fragmented nature of modern life and the challenges in finding genuine connection. Mahmut, trapped in the routine of work and the melancholy for his ex-wife, constantly criticizes the world around him, taking refuge in television as his only real companion. Yusuf, lost in the big city and unable to find work, wanders aimlessly, a symbol of disillusionment and loss of hope.
Chungking Express (1994)
Wong Kar-wai’s film, “Chungking Express,” weaves together two distinct but thematically connected stories of lonely individuals in Hong Kong dealing with heartbreak and seeking meaningful connection. The film uses an energetic visual style, inner monologues, and a particular focus on fleeting encounters to capture the sense of urban loneliness, the poignant desire for love, and the often bizarre ways in which people try to cope with their feelings of isolation and unfulfilled desires.
The film offers a romantic yet melancholic vision of urban loneliness, where chance encounters and fleeting connections offer brief moments of hope in a context of underlying isolation. The characters’ eccentric coping strategies, such as the obsession with expiration dates or talking to inanimate objects, highlight their attempts to find meaning and comfort in a world where genuine connection seems elusive. The vibrant and chaotic portrayal of Hong Kong underscores the feeling of getting lost in the crowd, while the focus on individual desires and inner thoughts emphasizes the characters’ emotional loneliness. The frequent use of inner monologues reveals their difficulty in communicating with others and their deep desire to be understood. The frenetic atmosphere of the city, with its fast-paced rhythms and the multitude of people brushing past each other without truly meeting, becomes an ideal backdrop for the stories of these individuals in search of authentic human contact.
Late Spring (1949)
Yasujirō Ozu’s film, “Late Spring,” explores the delicate relationship between a widowed father and his devoted adult daughter, Noriko, and the subtle loneliness they both face as social expectations push them towards separation through marriage. The film analyzes Noriko’s fear of leaving her father alone and the father’s quiet acceptance of his eventual loneliness, using understated performances and poignant images to convey their deep emotional bond and the bittersweet nature of their detachment.
The film subtly explores the theme of loneliness through the lens of family duty and social expectations. Although the daughter and father share a close and affectionate bond, the impending marriage forces both to confront the loneliness that awaits them in separation. The daughter’s reluctance to leave her widowed father stems from the fear of his loneliness, while the father, while encouraging her marriage, faces the prospect of living alone. The film’s understated style and attention to daily rituals highlight the emotional depth of their relationship and the quiet sadness of their eventual separation. The father’s lie about his own remarriage underscores his desire to alleviate his daughter’s guilt, further emphasizing the unspoken loneliness that both are trying to address.
Taxi Driver (1976)
Martin Scorsese’s film, “Taxi Driver,” offers a disturbing and profound portrait of the loneliness of Travis Bickle, a mentally unstable Vietnam veteran working as a night taxi driver in New York City. The film analyzes his inner monologue, his alienation from the perceived decadence of the city, and his failed attempts at connection to illustrate the dangers of isolation and how it can fuel a descent into violence and a distorted sense of purpose.
The film presents a raw and unsettling representation of how extreme loneliness can lead to social alienation, paranoia, and ultimately, violence. The protagonist’s inability to connect with others, combined with his judgmental view of the city around him, creates a self-perpetuating cycle of isolation. His attempts to form relationships are clumsy and unsuccessful, further deepening his sense of loneliness and fueling his destructive impulses. The film serves as a warning about the psychological dangers of unchecked isolation and the importance of human connection for maintaining mental well-being. Travis’s night work in a morally ambiguous city exposes him to the darker aspects of society, reinforcing his feelings of alienation and disgust. His insomnia further isolates him, leading to a detachment from reality.
Repulsion (1965)
Roman Polanski’s film, “Repulsion,” explores the psychological horror experienced by Carole Ledoux, a young woman who, after being left alone in her sister’s apartment, sinks into an abyss of madness. The film analyzes how her social awkwardness and her aversion to men transform into a descent into insanity, with the apartment becoming a physical manifestation of her inner isolation, her anxieties, and her repressed sexuality, ultimately leading to horrific acts of violence.
The film uses the protagonist’s increasing isolation as a catalyst for her psychological breakdown. Her initial social awkwardness and discomfort with men intensify when she is left alone, leading to a distorted perception of reality and the manifestation of her inner turmoil in the physical space surrounding her. The apartment, initially a place of refuge, becomes a symbol of her reclusion and her descent into madness, highlighting how loneliness can exacerbate underlying psychological problems and lead to extreme consequences. Carole’s loneliness, combined with her fear of physical contact and her growing paranoia, leads her to isolate herself more and more from the outside world, until her fragile psyche succumbs to the pressure, manifesting in hallucinations and violence.
Conclusion: A Universal Theme Through Unique Lenses
Loneliness, as demonstrated by these extraordinary examples of auteur and independent cinema, is a universal theme that resonates deeply within the human experience. These films, through the unique lenses of their creators, explore the multifaceted aspects of loneliness, from the desolation of physical isolation to the anguish of social and emotional alienation, to the unfulfilled desire for connection and the persistent echo of nostalgia.
The analyzed narratives reveal how loneliness can manifest in different ways and have profound consequences on individuals, sometimes leading to introspection and personal growth, other times to inner darkness and destructive behaviors. Auteur and independent cinema, with its expressive freedom, proves to be a powerful medium for exploring these complexities, often challenging the viewer to confront uncomfortable truths about the human condition and the importance, sometimes tragically recognized too late, of authentic connection with others. Despite the often bleak representations of loneliness, many of these films also subtly explore the capacity for human resilience, the search for meaning in isolation, or the transformative power of even fleeting connections, suggesting that, although loneliness can be a destructive force, it can also lead to introspection and a deeper understanding of oneself and the needs of others.
